I am currently reading, Shopaholic abroad outloud. there's a postive side of not having a working tv. and that is that I can read without being distracted-----and I can listen to my tapes. Lately I have been listening to the biography of the prophet-----it turns out that he was posioned. That's what I understood. Anyway, it's all very interesting. I'm almost through listening to it. I haven't decided what I will listen to yet. Maybe about the day of Judgment---or some Quran recitation. I have already completed reading the Quran---my first time this year, and my first time, i have completed it cover to cover---outside of the holy month. My prayers aren't going so well though. This is a constant struggle, I was born muslim---and yet I still struggle. I have good days and I have bad days.

I have printed out all of the needed papers for immigration, so that my husband can see for himself, exactly why I cannot sponsor him to immigrate to America. And so he doesn't think that I just don't want him to go to America. Why would I stop anyone from going to America? if he wants to go to America and he can find a way to go to America, fine with me. It honestly made me feel so angry when he said that. I hate having to constantly repeat myself, now I have the papers all ready, and everything. It turns out that just being married to an American is not enough to be able to immigrate to America and get the green card. I don't know why I get this gut feeling that I am only a convince for my husband, It's probably just the devil speaaking. Anyway, So I have already done what I can do. What confuses me is that they say you can send the I-130 application from outside of the united states and its terrotories, but you have to pay them by money order from an American bank, how am I supposed to do that from where I live. So on the website it says to contact your nearest embassy to find out how you can pay for the petion. So I emailed the embassy and told them that I need to pay for the i-130 petition, which I will be sending directly to America---to the united states citzen and imigration services, and I am waiting for a reply. I hope that if I can at least do that, we can figure the rest later. Except the Afvidativ of support, that is the biggest issue. Because while my husband can be a joint sponsor, I have to show that I to get sponsor him. And I have to prove that I have paid three years worth of taxes. Am I just supposed to go to America for three years, work, so that I will be able to pay taxes. And then what is going to guarantee me, that I will even be able to find work in America? Especially with how the economy is going. God help me.

"I can give you the money to pay the taxes." "It doesn't work like that I need to have a job, and I need to show that I have paid taxes in the last three years." "You can be a joint sponsor-----meaning you can add your income to my income, but as it points out---I need to have my own income." "Which I obviously don't have, sense I don't have a job." "I need to have a permenant job, (the money I make and the money you make----) both need to come from the same source, after we have immigrated.) So if I get a job over here, and we go to America, I will have to leave my job over here and get a job over there, and you would have to do the same thing, meaning that requirment won't work. "MY friend is telling me one thing, and the lawyer is telling me another thing, and you are telling me yet another thing." "I am only telling you that I cannot sponsor you, I have told you the reasons why." "I don't think you want me to immigrate to America." "I did not say that, I just said that I cannot sponsor you." "What about business based forms, where you can sponsor yourself." "I don't need that." "See you are depending on me to help you, I'm giving you a way that you can go to America, without me having to sponsor you, and you are completely against it." "Just type up all the requirments that is needed, the most important form is the family based form." "Fine, but I keep on telling you, I cannot sponsor you." "Please just type up the requirmeents needed print them out, and we can discuss them later." "Fine," "I get the feeling that you don't want to do this." "That is not it, I have been through this so many times, and I have told you that I cannot sponsor you." "You and your father are wrong if you think that America is a dream to me." "Don't put words in my mouth, I don't know what my father said, but I never once thought that America was the dream place for you." "My friends are telling me that I need to protect myself, America will protect me." "God is the protector."