The elctricty is back. Now I have a new thing to worry about my husband. Leave it to me to find something to worry about. Inshallah I will hear from him soon.

I cleaned the apartment---ate and got sick---Not on purpose though. After I let my stomach rest for a while---I did some simple workouts---crunches and sit ups, though my stomache is still feeling quesy. I don't know why food does this to my body. Truth be told I'm not a big fan of eating, but I realize that my body needs something to burn---and considering that I want to lose weight---I need to have energy to workout so that my body can burn calories, without ruining my metobolism, because its slow enough as it is. When I eat, it's only foods that my body needs and not foods that I'm craving. Before I used to give into the foods that I craved---I would promise myself that it would be the last but it never was. So now I do not buy that stuff---because even though I am not a huge fan of food---I have my binge foods. I'm not sure if everyone has a binge food but I do---chips and chocolate and cookies, so it is in my best interest to just avoid them like the plague. Today I probably won't be going on the treadmill because of my sore legs, I'll go on tomorrow and thursday--to make up for the lost day.

I'm about to drink my second cup of coffee of the morning. Usually I just have one cup, but this morning I aim to stay awake all through the day, so I am going to need some help from my friend===Caffine---hopefully this time my friend won't let me down. I worked out this morning like I usually do. I'm extremely serious about losing weight---not that I wasn't before. But now I am actually doing something about it everyday. I do my floor workouts and treadmill five days a week, and then I do slight weight training two times a week. So far it's been a week, I haven't seen any results as of yet. But I am sure that eventually I will see some results. I don't know how many calories I consumed this morning--the morning---before I workout, or late at night before I work out, is about the only time that I eat nowadays. To be honest, I am not a big fan of food. Yet I love to cook it. Because I get bored, and I hate seeing food go to waste. A lot of times I make up things as I go along. I'm not aiming to be a profesional cook, so I know my cooking doesn't need to be perfect. I tried a dish last night, that didn't go over to well with me, so I won't be making it again. I enjoy cooking, and shopping for food, more so than I like eating food. Which is different for me, because I used to love eating food. But not anymore, the taste of food just doesn't appeal to me. I have this constant full feeling, the only reason I eat anymore===is to give me energy for my workouts. I used to love eating candy and chips, now I can't stand them, I especially do not like chocolate chip cookies. If I do eat, it's always in small porpotions. I would rather not eat fast food. Because it's just not good for you. My mind is constantly consumed with weight loss. I should get a scale to see exactly how much I weigh. I remember the last time I stepped on the scale was five years ago, I weight 70 kilo's. I have no idea what I weigh now. But I'm sure if I find out it will give me a bigger push to lose the weight. So I am waiting to get a scale. I used to be one of those people who whined and cried about thier weight to others, now I'm doing something about it. I have gone through bouts of eating disorders, and truth be told, I didn't just start hating food, it started when I was thirteen, or more likely when I was seven. I recall asking my mom one day if I was fat. Now when I look back and watch video's of myself when I was seven---I was extremely skinny. So I have never looked in the mirror and saw myself as being anything other than fat. I have always felt the need to lose weight, no matter what others would say. When I turned thirteen, I obviously gained weight, and then I wanted to lose weight so that I would look good in my clothes, so I would just eat dried bacon bits, when I was fourteen, I would just toy with my food during dinner, and just have a sandwich and diet moutain dew in the afternoon, plus I would walk all the time,at one point I started purging whatever I ate, I couldn't stand to have food in my stomach. When I was fifteen, I would binge and purge, almost everyday--that's when the Bulimia came into the picture. I gained instead of losing weight---I attribute it to my constant consumtion of sugary chewing gum. Finally I decided that I wanted to lose weight, and went from a size 12 to a size 2 in eight months. I hated being fat, I hated wearing a large. So I would eat next to nothing, then I would purge whatever I eat and workout like mad everyday, plus I drank coffee all the time---coffee was the replacement to chewing gum. My parents got worried and took my coffee away, I promised to eat normally---for me----and they once again agreed to bring back the coffee. Now I'm back to drinking coffee again. Becuase it leaves a taste in my mouth that keeps me from eating. Because even though I'm not a huge fan of food, I do eat, but I eat as little as possibly, and workout. Because I know that in order to lose weight, you have to burn more calories than you take in. For me the binging and purging ended when I was nineteen. But my struggle to lose weight, and see myself as a skinny person, when I do lose weight is still ongoing.