I was going to call my husband today, and just agree to have Breakfast together once a week on Saturday, but then I decided against it, and just decided that I would just call and see how he was doing, and it turns out that he was already at work. What the hell? I send him a message at seven in my morning, and he just goes to work!!! I mean I understand that he's under a lot of pressure, but he's the one who suggested that we have breakfast together every morning except for Thursday and Friday's. and now he's only having breakfast with me on saturday, this is just getting on my nerves.

frustrated with myself

I hate to admit this,but I can be slow sometimes or at least of delayed reactations to things. I guess, well no I don't want to guess. Because I don't know what to guess. I mean, I'll see something on tv for example or someone will say something, and I will think nothing of it, and then suddenly after some days, sometimes months, I'll find myself thinking about what was said or what I had seen and I'll sudden understand what the other person meant. I am finding this very frustraited. Because a lot of times, I will be focusing on what the person is saying, without really understanding what they mean or on what's happening on tv, or in a book, and then I forget about it, or I ponder over it, and come up with a conclusion some days later. I guess it's really no surprise that I always needed extra help in school. I hate to call myself stupid. But right now I do feel stupid and what's worse, is that I feel slow. This really isn't easy to admit. I'm not saying that I want to be perfect. because I know that is impossible, no one, can be perfect. All I want is to be able to grasp and understand situations as they arrise. To understand things I've read, things I've heard, without having to ponder over it for days till it finally clicks. I hate when people give me annoyed looks when I don't grasp what they are saying at first even though I will be trying my best to understand what they are saying. I don't know if anyone will understand this. I'm banking on no. But if your someone out there who understands what I'm going through, then I can honestly say that you are not alone. I get frustraited with myself at times. Frustraited that I forget words, forgot what I'm going to say in midsentence, and quickly move on to an other idea, while leaving the first idea just hanging there. I sometimes remember what I was going to say, and go back to the orginal topic and sometimes I don't. In fact a lot of times I don't go back to the orginal idea. I love reading, but I cannot remember anything that I read while I'm reading. I'll read a story without any distractions and I will still forget the names of most of the characters and thier storylines. I start my own stories, and sometimes forget what the story is supposed to be about. It's a work in progress. I didn't make a resoultion list this year but I am going to start one, My goal, is to do my best to grasp situations faster.

Today I told my husband about the DVD player. I told him that it doesn't work. And that I have been trying to solve my dvd players problem, the one on my laptop---because it says it's working fine, but for some reason it won't play dvds, so I am thinking that the dvd player or that the dvds need to be cleaned. I had some chinese and red tea today. I didn't have any green tea, I may have some later though. I was thinking of having some coffee, but I am not a big fan of coffee anymore. I used to love the stuff. I use to have it in place of meals. Which got my dad worried, and he got rid of all of the coffee, but later coffee was bought back, but my eating habits where always watched, or so I thought, any slip up, and the coffee would be gone again. I didn't have any and the coffee remained. in fact they still have coffee from when I was there. because none of them, like black coffee. I don't like when I call my mom to chat for a bit and she starts playing a game with my sister. So every few minutes she starts talking with my sister. I just think that if you want to talk with me, then don't go and start playing and engaging in conversation with somoeone else. I mean she could have just said, "alright, your sister's home and I promised her a game of scrabble, I'll call you back." or whatever. you know. something.

I have been reading and favoriting a lot of blogs recently. I have recently favored blogs, talking about computer sytems and programs. I don't understand why I find learning about computers so interesting. I guess I just want to pass my time doing and learning something. I like reading fashion blogs, baby blogs, (parenting experiences blogs) eating disorders (mostly weight loss blogs) which go in two categories, those who are going about losing weight in a healthy matter and those who are going about it, in a none healthy matter. I like reading blogs, where people just talk about thier life in general, and thier ideas. I like knowing other people's thoughts and ideas on different things. I also like to read review blogs. Even reviews on things I'll probably never get---unless of course I get a job, which, is next to nill now. So I will be a writer. (Don't laught now, wait till I've left the room.)

I finished reading Stop whining and start living, and got a lot of good tips and ideas that I hope to discuss with whomever I can discuss and share it with. One of the most profound tips I got from the book, was that, everyone is entitled to thier feelings and we should never, put down anyones feelings, we shouldn't let them feel and deal with thier feelings as they see fit. Also we should learn that constant, whining and complaining about our situation is just going to push people away. and that we need to forget about the past, as in put the past behind us, espeically as children, as children, we don't get to decide how our parents or guaradians raise us, we don't get a say in any of it, in whether they divorce, or stay together. but when we become adults, we have a choice, we can make our own choices, based on the present and not based on the past. alot of people close up and hide thier feelings because of thier childhoods. but that is wrong. Living in the past, and reacting to the past, and judging people, based on the little kid in you is just wrong and its not going to get you anywhere. I am not perfect, and I will never claim to be perfect. I have days, in which I let the angry little girl in me take control over my emotions and my actions. However I am working on it. I have made a conscious choice, to leave the past behind me and move forward. That is life, if you dwell in the past, you lose your present. and the present is all that you have.

I was watching preacher moss on youtube. He's funny. and then I watched Azar Uthman, he's funny too. One commentor kind of got on my nerves though, because he or she was like, "this religion is a serious thing and he shouldn't be making money and making fun of it." first of all i watched the clip, and he wasn't making fun of it, he was relating what he and many men who look like him go through when it comes to going through security at an airport in america. i don't understand why some people just don't get that. Before watching those two comedians, i watched maz jobrani, he was funny too. What I don't get though, is one time he describes himself as middle eastren and then later as persian, and then middle eastren again. i heard that there's a part of iran that is middle eastren, which part, i don't know. but i have been told that there's a middle eastren section in iran. i read stop whinning and start living, i have a chapter to go before the final chapter. i'm thinking of finishing it up today so that i can go back to reading the running man and then the eighth habit, or i might read a chapter from the eighth habit by steven covey, and then read five chapters of the running man. my bedtime story as i like to call it, is the queen of babble. after reading stop whinning start living, i'm thinking to read, how couples mess up thier relationships. i have so many books mashallah---that sometimes i find it difficult to choose which book i'm going to read. i don't plan on getting any more books anytime though. i didn't see any bookshelves in that store. anyway, i would rather buy one from ikea anyway. or any place else that sells bookshelves, maybe saco. i haven't gone to saco in a really long time. it was sometime in septmeber i think, yeah, when my dad and sister came over for a short visit. i got a dish rack, which is a good thing, because there's no place for me to dry my dishes in this place, in the other place, the two sinks had an extention and so there was a raised servece to put the plates on and so i would dry my plates, but later i got the dish rack and noticed how much of a difference that it made. i also got some kitchen knifes, actually those i got from another place, from panada. my family hasn't seen this new place yet. though i already know what my sister intially thinks of it. she wonders why i agreed to move to a smaller place. but in my mind, i think i moved to a better place. besides i was only using two rooms in the other place anyway, i would always forget to clean the third room, because i was never in it. i can't forget to clean any room in this place, because i use all three rooms. what's the use of having an extra room if you are not going to use it. now some people may wonder, "well what if you have a baby?" simple the baby would sleep with me in the bedroom, and when it got older we'd look for a bigger place. but really a baby isn't on the agenda right now. we have more pressing matters than having a baby. babies need lots of care and patience, and i want to have a bit of a life, as in going out places, before a baby comes into the picture. because i know from talking with my husband, that as soon as there's a baby in the picture that's it there's no going out. i hardly get to go out without a baby. which is something i need to talk to him about.

we are not perfect.

We are not perfect yet we expect others to be perfect. We make mistakes and expect others to forgive us, but we never admit that we make mistakes. And when people ask us to forgive them for thier transactions we hold back. We remind them of thier past mistakes. We count the number of times they've made that same mistake. And yet we make the same mistakes over and over again, not towards people, but towards the creator. And when we repent the creator forgives us and gives us another chance. He doesn't tell us, "you have made this same mistake x number of times, be careful." He forgives us with open arms (figure of speech) He doesn't make us feel bad for making mistakes, because he knows that we are unperfect, because that is the way he created us. He created us to make mistakes, so that we can go back and repent again. And sure we may make the same mistake numerous times, but we always have faith that when we repent, God, will be there to accept us. We are all humans, we all make mistakes. none of us are perfect. So who are we not to forgive another person's mistakes?

I was checking my laptop yesterday, I went to my computer, and saw, removeable storage, and DVD drive, the removable storage hadn't been there before. I am thinking that it went back, after I went to search for hardware from the control panel. I am hoping that and the fact I redownladed the hard drive---the DVD hard drive, that it will play and read my DVDs again. I have no idea why it stopped. The DVD drive and the CD drive---because I have both, could have disconnected. I read in another place, that it sometimes helps to clean the lense with rubbing alhocoloh, where can I get that here? would perfume work? because I know that perfum contains high amount of alhocohol. I don't know. I really want to be able to watch my DVDs again, and I want to be able to fix the problem myself, because I really don't want to spend anymore money. We've already wasted money on the DVD player that doesn't work. I'm going to be taking that with me, and see, if they can do something with it. if not then the last restort, is to replace it, what else can I do?

I went to sleep at eight last night. Well I didn't go to sleep right away, I read a chapter and then I fell asleep with the lights still on. I should use that lamp, that we have. I think I'm going to use it tonight. Anyway, when I woke up the lights were off, so I thought that maybe I had turned off the lights and forgotten because I'd been tired, and I have done it before, or maybe the lights had burned out. So I got out of bed, and tried the bathroom light, the bathroom light, and fan, and heater, weren't working either. The water cooler---heater in the kitchen wasn't humming as usual. And so I just went back to sleep. When I woke up, everything was back in working order.

I am hoping that they will install the satilite soon, so I can catch up with all the series that I have been missing. I'm "dying" to know what's going on in all of the shows that I'm following, both English and Arabic. I miss watching all of my television shows, so I am really hoping that sometime this week, or next week----mostly this week though, that they will hook up the satilite.