My life has become so mundane lately, I go between, reading, writing, sleeping, praying and eating. And playing games on Facebook. It's always easier to keep one self occupied when they have a timeline for something. I'm the type of person that likes knowing when things are going to happen. I know that you cannot know when everything is going to happen. But I would at least like to know when somethings are going to happen, for example the things that people can actually know when they're going to happen, those are the things that I'm talking about. For example when you're in the hospital and the doctor tells you that you can leave, the doctor gives you a clear time of when you can leave the hospital, they don't give you a vague anwser, and then that ends and you're still in the hopspital.

I don't get people who talk tough and at the beginging of issues they'll do something, but when the time comes for them actually to do something they're too afraid to do anything. If everyone was afraid to do anything, then we'd be no where. What happened to brave people? What happened to the people who stood up for thier rights, who went to all lengths to make sure that thier rights are enforced. People who didn't stand by and listen as people lied to them left and right. I am through believing people/ Because I believed them before, and that only ended in me having my hopes dashed. I'm making an effort to keep my hopes up, I just don't want anyone else to come around and try to raise my hopes, cause I can do that myself, I don't need outside help. The only thing will believe is his voice....and no one elses.......his voice telling me, that this is all over...

Last night out of the blue, Ben, went balastic, yelling and cursing, he said that he wouldn't be going to Eastren Europe, till all his demands were met, and till his brother who was studying over there, came here and got him. This outburst took his sister by surprise, because he seemed just fine, only a few minutes ago. He contitued to talk about the past, about how everything in his life was messed up because of his past. That it was his past that had bought him to the point that he was out. His sister pointed out to him, along with his mother, that living in the past, and staying angry over the past, would only make him insane. But he contiued, and contiued, to yell about the past, to yell about how no body cared about him and how he now needed prove before he'd beleive that someone cared about him. His mother told him that the prove of them caring was them sending him to Eastren Europe. However this anwser wasn't good enough for him, he demanded why they hadn't cared about him before, why they hadn't sent him to Eastren Europe before than, why had they waited all these years? The mother than pointed out to him, that if he waited for his brother to come get him, it would mean that he would be spending more time in a country that was slowly sucking his soul out. Finally he relented and agreed that it would do him some good to leave. Both his mother and sister heaved a sigh of relief. They had been holding thier breath, which was something they both had started doing whenever, Ben got into one of his walk down memory gain mood.

There is nothing worse---well there probably is, than dancing in front of a room full of people, when you don't know how to dance, or your dress is too big for you.... of course part of growing up, is going out of your comfort zone which makes sense. You cannot grow and florish if you're going to stick to the same routine, and stay in your comfort zone, you have to remove yourself from your comfort zone in order to grow. That of course isn't always easy, than again, nothing in life that is worthwhile is easy.

I'm not giving up hope. Because hope is all I have right now. I wish others would do something, but I can't force anyone to do anything, even though I wish I could. We all wish we could force someone to do something. But the world doesn't work like that. All I can do is pray that this all ends soon and that I can get back to my home soon inshallah.

I really want to hear some good news. Not just good news, I want to hear great news. I heard good news three weeks ago now, well actually four weeks ago, and now four weeks later, I want to hear more good news. Because the news I heard that time was pretty good news, now I just wish that there was more news. more good news to complete that good news that I got four weeks ago, inshallah I'll get some good news, because I really need some good news. I keep on praying to get good news. I keep praying that one of these days I'll get some good news. The hardest thing in life, is not giving up hope.

Inshallah I hope that I hear some really good news soon. Very Soon, because that would be really nice. I want to be able to go back home to my Apartment, because I really miss being there. Blogging from my Apartment, is so much different from Blogging from my families Apartment.

Hoping for some good news.

Most recent phone call,
"Hello."
"Hello," in arabic.
"Who is this?"
"Who is this?" Now come on why should I tell you who I am, you're the one calling me! you should be telling me who you are! it should be like this, "Hello, my name is so and so, I would like to speak to so and so."
Not this stupid game of, "Who is it?" Seriosily. I already have enough things to deal with right now, I don't need to add an idiot to the mixture.
In other news I want things to be back to normal. I want to be back home. Inshallah soon, Inshallah soon, I'll be back home for good. Inshallah soon.
That's all I can say at this time. Soon inshallah, I'm starting to sound like a broken record. It's all I think about nowadays, I just think about
going back home, about getting back to my life. Because that's what I really want I want to get back to life. I'm hoping inshallah that sometime this weeek, I'll finally hear some really good news inshallah, because that would be really nice. The thing though is that in this country you never
actually know when they've actually started on something or not, which makes it difficult to put a timeline on it. So I just pray to Allah, that
all of this is done and over with soon,because I really miss my home, and I miss visiting my friend. The point is I miss my new life that I'd started
And I really want to go back to my life.
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Please God let there be good news sooon........